This morning as I sat in my car before work I looked down and saw my fingers. At first I thought about how I am so embarrassed by the way my fingers look but then I remembered they are only a little glimpse of what it’s like to struggle with anxiety. These marks on my fingers don’t define me, but they show what anxiety can do to a person.
Anyone who knows me knows I am a very confident person, I am very bubbly and outgoing but I am also someone who struggles with anxiety. If someone was to look at me I wouldn’t fit the stereotype of what a person with anxiety portrays… but should there really be a stereotype? Does anyone truly know what anyone is dealing with internally just by judging their outward appearance? No. No one truly knows what anyone deals with on a daily basis. No one knows what inner demons a person may be facing.
My fingers show what I deal with, they show my anxiety, and they show my stress. Having anxiety is a constant battle within yourself. Everyone has triggers for their own anxiety but for me I overthink everything. I will overthink different scenarios in my head for things that haven’t even happened yet, I will worry about my future when it’s not even here yet, and I have no control over it anyways. I overthink my relationships with my friends, family, even my relationship because my mind just doesn’t take breaks. I stress about things that haven’t even took place yet. Whether it’s a new career, future goals, future trips, all things that are not in my control I can about guarantee I stress it.
Anxiety can consume you, I will pick at my fingers without even realizing it. I’ve picked my fingers for as long as I can remember, and it’s one of my biggest insecurities. I am a perfectionist, I refuse to ever look weak, or mess up. But when I look at my fingers I remember one simple thing. I am still human. I still struggle, I still battle every day with trying not to stress, trying to be a good Christian girl and give all my stress and anxiety to God. Because as you know that’s what we are supposed to do as Christians (1 Peter 5:7) but I still fall short with doing just that. Anxiety is waking up some mornings and having a heavy feeling on your chest. It’s going throughout your day with an “uneasy” feeling but not knowing why. It’s going to bed at night but getting no sleep because your mind won’t stop thinking. It’s a daily struggle that you can go days without but then hits you out of nowhere.
So why did I share this with you? It’s simple… Anxiety does not define me; it’s simply just a part of me. If you or someone you know struggles with anxiety know you are not alone. You are not weak, you are not weird or crazy, and you are simply human. Anxiety is not you, it does not define you, breathe. You got this! Take it day by day. Its okay to have “bad days” there will definitely be days where your anxiety will vary day by day. Always remember, you are more than your anxiety. Even the most confident looking people struggle, and even the people that look like they have it all together all the time, don’t I promise you that. My fingers don’t define me, they show my struggle. They show I am human. Even at 24 years old I still worry, stress, and get nervous about things that are out of my control. I still struggle with picking at my thumbs, and struggle with being embarrassed of what people will think when they see it. But its a part of me, I choose to embrace it and remember it does NOT define who I am. Wake up each morning and tell yourself you are worthy, it will be okay. Anxiety isn’t weakness! Living with anxiety, showing up and doing stuff with anxiety, takes a strength that most would NEVER know.
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