If you are someone like me, I have friends who are strictly just my guy friends and nothing more. There is a fine line that you and that friend simply have and neither one of you have ever crossed it…. But have you ever dated someone who is friends with an ex or someone who they have a past with? If so, then I want to explain to you why I view that as disrespectful towards the new person you are in a relationship with, and why I think someone from the past should stay in the past. Truthfully I feel that this situation is belittled and walked over more and more in relationships. So let me share my little perspective on this situation...
First, if the person you are in a relationship with is friends with someone they have a past with, I view that as disrespectful to the new person in their life. Why? Let me put it this way: that person is an “ex” or no longer that person in your life because one of them chose to end it right? So... either way at one point in that previous relationship there was once mutual feelings involved between them. They both at some point wanted the relationship to take place. Yes, it ended but that doesn’t mean it never happened or the mutual feelings never existed. So, out of respect to the new relationship why would you ever want to put them in a situation where they have to worry about those past feelings to possibly come back? Why would you intentionally want to make your new significant other uncomfortable or question the other person’s intentions? You can trust anyone but that doesn’t mean someone else respects what is yours. Just because one person chooses to respect the new relationship doesn't mean they both will or the outsider will.
Second, I’ve heard the comment made “well if you are confident in the relationship and trust each other why would you care about them being friends with an ex?” Well Karen, let me put it this way. If you were dating someone who once had a past with someone but that person cut it off with your new current significant other and they wanted to hang out with them because they are NOW just friends… are you going to trust them both in that situation? I guarantee you will not. It has nothing to do with lack of confidence; it is simply the amount of respect you have for your new relationship. Out of RESPECT for your new relationship you should NOT want anything to do with someone from your past. You don’t have to be rude or shun them but you are just no longer able to\be that person for them or to them anymore. You cannot have a new healthy relationship if you keep people from the past involved and entertained… relationships just don’t work that way. Confident people know where they stand in the relationship with you but they are also confident to know if you want to entertain someone in the past, then they have no problem finding someone else who will respect them and only entertain them. It's that simple. Confident people know what they are capable of and know their worth so if you disrespect them I can guarantee they will cut you off as if you never existed.
And finally, you date to marry, correct? Think of it this way… would you be okay with your husband or your wife going out to dinner with another man or another woman? No. That does not go on in a marriage, that’s crossing a line in the marriage. Your husband or your wife would never want to go hangout one on one with someone other than their spouse. SO then why would you tolerate it before marriage, why would you allow that disrespect to take place before you chose to marry that person? If they do it and still entertain it before you all were married do you think that sudden title and those vows will all of sudden change their respect towards you? No! If anything you only showed them you will allow disrespect to happen and you are okay with them disrespecting you and your marriage. And if you think they won't test the waters with other disrespectful situations you are very wrong and very foolish.
But why did I choose to talk about this? Because I hear it happen, I see people talking about it, and I hate how people sit back and allow such disrespect to go on in their relationship. I can promise you if the person you are dating truly loves you and cares for you, they will not entertain someone from the past. They will not put you in a situation where you would ever have to question the relationship and they also would never put them in a situation where they would risk losing you. If they get upset with you because you chose to not allow them to disrespect you… walk away. They do not value you, nor do they value and appreciate your heart. They would rather choose someone over you and that speaks volumes. People from the past should remain in the past no matter what the situation is. It is disrespectful to anyone you bring into your life, just don’t do it. Leave it all in the past and just simply Move On.
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